EFT Intensive FAQ

What is the difference between the Intensive couples/marriage counselling experience and a marriage or couples retreat?

The Intensive is couples counselling or therapy. You, your partner, and a therapist are the only ones involved. 

A couples retreat is not counselling. It is a workshop designed to educate couples how to enrich their relationship for themselves.

 

We are already involved in couples therapy. Will the Intensive benefit us?

If you are seeing an EFT couples therapist an Intensive will augment your couples therapy beautifully.

If you are seeing a therapist who is unfamiliar with EFT, this experience will likely be of benefit, however the match between the Intensive and your ongoing therapy may be a little less congruent. CoupleWorks therapist Carolynne (Caz) Moffat will need your permission to chat with your therapist to acquaint them to the EFT model of couples therapy, to gain their blessing that it complements existing treatment, and for us to co-ordinate any after-care.

 

Are there any situations where an Intensive is not appropriate?

The Intensive is not recommended in the following circumstances:

  • Domestic violence

  • Active substance abuse

  • Current infidelity

  • Active addiction that is either untreated or currently in treatment. That’s too much to tackle at once!

  • There is not enough goodwill. (Dislike or contempt prevent a necessary climate of emotional safety).

  • You are either not willing (for whatever reason), or it is not a good idea (for any of the above reasons) to look at your own role in your relationship patterns:

    EFT is founded on an understanding that both partners’ emotions, reactions and behaviours inadvertently contribute to unhelpful patterns of relating. While this DOES NOT suggest that each partner is responsible for the behaviours and choices of the other, it DOES require both partners to explore and own their own part in the relationship dance.

  • Vastly differing goals between partners for the relationship

  • You are not able to engage in a follow-up process. While an Intensive is an effective way to achieve a lot, it is rarely enough to stand alone. See follow-up options below

 

Is there a screening process to determine if the Intensive is suitable for us?

An Intensive is a significant time, emotional and financial commitment so yes, there is a screening process before you and your partner arrive in Newcastle. Please note that the assessment procedure has changed slightly.

  • The initial $550 payment ($500+GST) is your reservation fee. The Intensive will be tentatively reserved once CoupleWorks has received this registration fee and the completed registration form. Payment options are included at the bottom of the registration form.

  • Once the Intensive is reserved, an assessment package will be emailed to you, and Caz will schedule a 30 min online (Skype or similar) session with each of you. 
    The assessment questionnaires need to be filled out and returned (either by regular mail to #1, 47 Glebe Rd, The Junction, NSW, 2291, or scanned and returned by email before these individual sessions. Please note that, while all care is taken, the confidentiality of email cannot be guaranteed.) 
    While these sessions are primarily to prepare for our time together, this is also an evaluation point for confirming that the intensive is appropriate for you.

  • If it becomes clear that this experience is not indicated for you, we will discuss that and identify alternate options.

  • Caz will communicate (usually by email) with one or both of you to confirm dates and answer any questions during this process.

 

What if we change our mind before or during the Intensive? Do you have a cancellation and refund policy?

Here is the cancellation/refund policy:

  • If you change your mind before our online sessions, you will be refunded the reservation fee minus $100.

  • If Caz assesses before or after our online sessions that this is not an appropriate fit for your needs, you will also be refunded the full amount, minus $100. We will discuss alternative options for treatment if this is the case.

  • Once we have completed our individual sessions and determined an Intensive is a good fit for you, the registration fee is non-refundable. The remainder of the payment is due two weeks before we meet for our Intensive.

 

How is the Intensive structured?

Day 1: Conjoint session 4:00-6:30pm. You’ll also be asked to watch a 90 min DVD as homework

Day 2: Conjoint sessions 10:00am-12:30pm & 3:00-5:30pm

Day 3: Either conjoint or individual sessions 10:00-12:30 & conjoint session 3:00-5:30pm

There may be some flexibility on session start and finish times to allow for travel or other plans.

The breaks are an integral part of the structure of the Intensive. Things need time to consolidate. Breaks consist of:

  • DVD clips

  • written exercises to complete and share

  • reading

  • guided conversation time

  • non-guided together time eating, resting, exercising, walking/together time at one of Newcastle's gorgeous beaches

 

Is there follow-up after an Intensive?

While most couples make a lot of progress during the Intensive, many still require follow-up sessions to consolidate the gains. Preparation includes ensuring we have a follow-up plan in place. For some – it’s as simple as one check-in to make sure you’re good to go. Others have more to do. Up front, you’ll need to choose which of the following is the best fit:

  • If you are already working with a therapist, your follow-up will be with them.

  • If you are local, our initial follow-up & any further sessions (if needed) may be done with Caz.

  • If neither of the above are options, we’ll need to identify a local or online therapist to provide ongoing support if needed. It may even be appropriate to schedule another full or mini intensive to continue our work.

 

Where is the Intensive held?

The CoupleWorks Newcastle office at:

#1, 47 Glebe Rd,
The Junction, 
NSW 2291

 

How much does it cost, and what does that include?

Please refer to the schedule of fees  for information on pricing. The fee includes:

  • assessment and preparation

  • an individual 30 min online session for each partner

  • 12.5 hrs (minimum) face-to-face therapy over the 2.5 days. (NB: quite often we spend much more time. An intensive gives us the luxury of not needing to worry about time deadlines. If we’re in the middle of something important at the end of a session’s time – we’ll keep going…)

  • 30-60 min follow-up session (in-office) OR a written report sent to your therapist, along with availability for email or phone consultation with your therapist for continuation of care

  • A short written summary of what we covered in the intensive, where your relationship is up to, and options for what is next to keep building on the progress made

 

What is a mini-intensive and when is this indicated?

If you have already completed a full Intensive, you are very welcome to schedule additional sessions, by way of follow-up or ongoing work. This can be achieved through regular one hour, two hour or full day sessions. Please refer to the fees page for pricing information.

Is Your Relationship Secure?

Please answer yes or no based on what is true for the most part.

  1. I do not feel alone in my relationship.

  2. When I need my partner's undivided attention, I can get it. They will be there for me and listen without getting defensive or distracted or dismissing me or justifying or disappearing.

  3. Even if they STILL miss the point, I keep on sending the signal until I feel seen and heard and understood.

  4. I feel that my partner cares about me unconditionally. Even on a bad day, I know I am a priority no matter what.

  5. When I don't feel close, I can ask for reassurance in a clear and undefended way.

  6. I can trust my partner to not just want to, but be able to respond in a way that makes it better. My partner 'has my back' so that I am not alone.

  7. I can count on my partner's undivided loyalty and fidelity.

  8. I can be myself – I don't have to edit or filter everything for fear of being rejected or unacceptable.

  9. I feel loved and respected and accepted and desired and admired by my partner.

  10. We lean on each other equally. We are a team: it doesn't feel like one of us is the child or the parent in this relationship.

  11. We have a boundary around us. Neither of us would share anything personal or private about 'us' without the full permission of the other.

  12. We do not keep important secrets from each other.

  13. We both feel secure enough to explore our individual sides, and we look forward to reconnecting.

  14. We celebrate and commiserate with each other in the big and the small things.

  15. Our relationship is not perfect, but we are there for each other and because of that, our relationship is a safe haven.

The most telling information about whether you relationship is secure is how you feel when you consider these questions. Tune in to the information that you are receiving from yourself - the same information that you needed to know whether to respond 'yes' or 'no'. How you feel right now is your most authentic answer. So how do you feel right now?

If you answered 'no' to 4 or less of these questions, your relationship sounds like it's in good to GREAT shape. You may enjoy and benefit from a Relationship Reboot Retreat.

If you answered 'no' to more than 4 of these questions, it is likely that you could benefit from EFT Couples Counselling.

If you answered 'no' to more than 10 of these questions, it is likely your relationship is in need of urgent attention.

For more information about EFT Counselling or CoupleWorks, please contact us.

Services and Fee Information

Shown below is a list of services and associated fee information. Prices are correct as at January 1 2018. All prices include GST.
I do have a very limited amount of discounted appointments in situations of demonstrated need. Please ask me if this applies to you.

Counselling Services

  • Intake session:  $200

    First time ninety minute conjoint session and initial assessment.

  • Regular Counselling session: $140

    Sixty minute session for individual, couple or family counselling. 

  •  Half Day (2.5 hours): $300 

  • Full day (10am - 5pm with break): $750

  • Couples Intensive (Assessments, 2 full days plus followup session - refer to Intensives page for details):
    • Saturday to Monday morning: $2800
    • Sunday to Tuesday morning: $2350
    • Monday to Wednesday morning: $1900

Supervision

  • EFT Supervision: $130
    Sixty minute supervision - may be online/remote or in person.

Cancellation Policies

If you need to cancel or re-schedule please let me know (or reschedule via the links in the scheduling email) as soon as possible. If you give more notice than shown in the table below, then any money already paid will be applied against future appointments.

If less notice is given than shown below and I cannot fill the time, then the following fees will apply;

Session Type  Minimum Notice  Cancellation Fee 
 Full Day  7 days  50% of full fee
All other sessions 48 hours 50% of full fee
 Intensive Please refer to Intensives page 
Workshops         See Workshop Terms and Conditions at time of booking

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Yes, but...

What is couples counselling anyway and how does it work?

At CoupleWorks our couples counselling, or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), is a specialized process that seeks to first identify the patterns of relating and communicating that are getting in the way of a deeper bond, to make sense of them, and then to update them.

It turns out what doesn't tend to work in our closest relationships is learning communication techniques and negotiation strategies before we've gotten to the heart of the matter. When we're triggered by our most important other, they all go out the window! Our loved one can bring out the very worst and the very best in us. EFT works to take all of those feelings and to practice using them. It's not feelings that sabotage our relationships - it's what happens when we don't know how to 'drive' them and they end up driving us. EFT is all about learning how to drive our feelings and to use them to build a better bond.

 

What are you going to do to me in couples therapy?

It's very normal to be apprehensive about seeing a marriage counsellor! There's a variety of reasons why you might prefer to be doing just about anything else - some common ones are shown below:

 

I'm not sure what to expect and what to say or do:

OK, here's will happen when you come in for couples therapy:

Firstly, we'll spend just a little time going over some paperwork to reassure you about some of the important legal stuff – confidentiality, your options and rights; what you might reasonably expect and how much this will cost. It's important that you feel all of your questions and concerns are heard and addressed and you know exactly what to expect. Ask as many as you need to to feel comfortable and in control.

Then for the remainder of the first visit – we begin to assess what's going on for you. You begin to tell the story of your relationship and I'll ask a bunch of questions. Please don't ever worry about what to say – this is your story and nobody knows you better than you do. For some, this is quite painful and difficult. Others find it reassuring and enjoyable. There is no right or wrong way to tell your story.

Thirdly, we'll each meet one-on-one. This is an important part of the assessment process, and can be done either as the second session split in two, or we can each meet for a whole session - session two and three (your choice). By now, we'll have enough information to know if the process of couples therapy is the best option for you.

Once that's agreed, we will meet together weekly for sessions of 60 mins. We may occasionally schedule individual sessions if indicated, but generally we will meet together every time. It will then take as long as it takes. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) follows a progression of logical steps. Many couples experience significant improvement in their relationship, with potentially permanent changes in as little as 10-12 sessions. For a comprehensive look at the process of EFT, please visit www.iceeft.com.

 

I'm nervous talking to a stranger. This stuff is hard to talk about and it's personal!

Interesting fact: One of the most important factors influencing a positive outcome in couples therapy is the relationship you have with your therapist. It's not just important – it's critical that you feel you can trust your therapist and trust the process. That you feel understood and validated and accepted and safe enough to explore some of the deeper aspects of yourself. The depth of your trust will directly influence how much of yourself you can invest in the process, and the depth of the change that can occur as a result. We will spend time building that trust at whatever pace is right for you. This can be healing in itself, and an opportunity for you practice taking “safe” risks.

The idea of a safe risk is a tricky area but it's important. You may want to give it some thought ahead of time. Making significant changes in your most important relationship can be intimidating, uncomfortable and just plain scary. On the other hand, that's what we're here for – right? If it was easy – there wouldn't be a problem!

To me, the guiding principle is your comfort zone. Stay right in the middle of that and you may as well save your time and money and make your peace with the way things are. On the other hand – you don't want to be plucked right out of that safe place and fed to hungry sharks, right? The good news is that the solution centers around you being in control. The trick is in allow yourself to be brought to the very edge of your comfort zone and then to consider skooching the edge out a bit. That way you engage your head and your heart in the decision to take a risk. My job is to help you get there and to make it an informed decision when you do. It isn't easy and it may not be fun. But the rewards? - you be the judge.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom ...Anais Nin

 

I'm worried I'll be judged and blamed.

You can find a judge in a courtroom. My hope and my bias is to keep you out of there.

EFT builds on the assumption that every choice makes sense in its context – no matter how much it may be missing the mark. We're all doing the best we can under the circumstances!

That's very different to saying that in a disagreement or disconnection that someone isn't “at fault” or that each partner is equally “to blame”. In many cases that may not be true. But that's not my call. When the goal, though, is to find your way back to each other and build a more secure bond, it is just not helpful for a therapist to try to play referee. Connection and forgiveness come through mutual understanding. One of the best ways to start is to create a blame-free zone. When we are all on the same team, we can better apologize, empathize and be truly sorry and also accept an apology so you can truly heal and move on stronger.

 

Will I have to talk about my feelings?

Yep – you will. Sorry.

Emotions have a way of running the show anyway – may as well learn how to drive them and save yourself a whole lot of grief. It's really quite empowering once you get used to it...

 

I've been to a couples counsellor before and it didn't help at all.

Not all therapy is created equal, and not every therapist is trained in an outcome-based, empirically validated model of couples therapy.

Counselling can be a huge investment of hope, emotional energy and financial resources. You take a risk and trust a stranger with the most intimate and important part of you – your heart. When you take that step and it misses the mark you can be left feeling discouraged – maybe even cheated. Perhaps the experience left you feeling judged. Or you ended up feeling worse – you were just having the same fight in a different setting. Or maybe the whole process left you underwhelmed: Didn't offer anything that felt like it got to the heart of the matter.

But good news: research supports strong positive outcomes in some models of couple therapy. Over 90% of couples who participated in research on Emotionally Focused Therapy couples therapy got better and continued to have strong and growing marital relationships even at 2 years of completing therapy. (see Johnson, S., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (A meta-analysis). Journal of Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6,67-79.)

It's important to find a therapist who has specific training and experience working with couples and who is also someone you feel you can trust and connect with – someone who really “gets” you. It can take a few tries to find the right match for you.

Please don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. This is too important to give up on!

ICEFT  ICEEFT serves as a centre of excellence for the promotion of secure, resilient and successful relationships between partners and within families. Our mission includes the further expansion and refinement of the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model through process and outcome research. Another central aspect of our mission is to educate health professionals and to increase public awareness about the efficacy of EFT and its role in strengthening relationship bonds. (More) 
ACEFT We are passionate about happy relationships and excited to see Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) expand into Australia. EFT has a large body of evidence through over 20 years of research proving it to be highly effective in creating lasting relationship happiness. With amazing research outcomes, EFT has clearly shown itself to be a leading form of couples therapy across the world. The Australian Centre for EFT aims to provide a web-based networking tool for EFT therapists in Australia and New Zealand. (More)
MCEFT Melbourne community for Emotionally Focused therapy (MCEFT) is a group of mental health professionals who practise and study Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples. We seek to provide relevant information to the wider community, particularly couples in distress, about how EFT can effectively help them develop stronger, healthier relationships. (More)

 

 

I can't afford counselling - doesn't it cost me a lot of $$$?

Counselling is a big investment in more ways than one. On top of the emotional risk you take, you are expected to part with a lot of hard earned dollars!!

A good counsellor has trained long and hard to be in a position to offer you help that really helps. Investing in the things that matter brings the biggest reward. But even though we're all doing the best we can, not everyone can afford the same things. Trust me - I get it.

My wish is to be able to provide help to anyone who's really serious about working on their relationship. Please ask me about reduced fees for special circumstances. We just might find a way to make it work.

And BTW, please consider the alternative. A divorce can cost so much more in oh, so many ways.

How long is this going to take??!

Most people experience a positive change in the first few sessions - we begin to make sense of your distress and see a way through it! This is a temporary improvement that will be permanent when we then replace those old unhelpful ways of relating with better ones. This whole process can happen in as little as 10-12 sessions. For others it will take longer. If you have a significant trauma in your past, or if your relationship has experienced an injury like infidelity it will probably take longer. If one or both of you are not sure you want to commit to couples counselling, you may benefit better from Discernment Counselling until you're both on the same page. For an overview of the process of EFT, please visit www.iceeft.com or this page from TRIEFT.

Shop 1, 47 Glebe Rd,
The Junction NSW 2291.

Phone: 0466 797 173
Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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